Every year around thanksgiving tables across the country, the children of the family get the chance to tell everyone what their thankful for. Most will mention the toys they have accrued over the years, the upcoming Christmas season, or how the weather is generally pleasant. Don’t get me wrong; it’s cute. However, when the adults get their turn to share what their thankful for, why is there so much overlap?
I’ve noticed that a great deal of most adults end up still being thankful for the recent additions to their toy-chest, an upcoming donation to their name, or how the things they ultimately can’t control going in their favor. Granted, their “toys” are pay-raises, promotions, or the proverbial pat on the back administered by the powers that be. Their “upcoming Christmas season” is better described as an expected change in lifestyle than a hoard of presents under the tinsel clad pine. And their generally pleasant climate has more to do with health in the epidemic and prosperity in the economic ebb.
I don’t mean to say that there is something wrong with appreciating favorable circumstances in our lives; I just think there is something more to be thankful for.
I always used to hear about God reconciling his creation back to Him, and secretly rolled my eyes at the assertion. How can God be reconciling things to Him when things are getting worse? What exactly is God reconciling us to if not a walk off the Southern Col of Everest? I always viewed reconciliation as something blatantly obvious. It had to be a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn-around. The ozone layer has to magically re-appear, cancer cells need to dwindle into oblivion, and my tea doesn’t come out too hot to drink.
However, I am learning that miracles aren’t that simple.
Things were always either strained or disingenuous in my relationship with my father. If I wasn’t feeling excommunicated by his household, I was feeling like a novelty item in his life. A token son, if you will. Though the process was arduous, God’s surgical precision had brought the repair to an apex last spring.
I remember sitting at the table across from my dad ready to deliver the emotionally crushing blow that would justify the pain I had felt over the years by his indifference. I even viewed this experience for him as a cost-benefit analysis: would it be worse for him and suffering for a few hours, or being me and suffering almost all my life? It felt like no matter what I said to him, he was getting off like a bandit.
Fortunately, the God within me wasn’t going to allow that to happen. After a chain of events in our conversation, something larger than myself seemed to be tugging on my persona. God showed me that this time wasn’t about me lowering the boom on my father; it was about both of us experiencing forgiveness. God had shifted my paradigm, and it put the ball back in my court. I had to forgive this man.
Since that talk, the relationship with my dad has changed dramatically. I don’t feel bitterness and “what could have been” towards him. Though I do wish he would show a bit more interest in his life, I am learning to accept the subtle ways he does show care. I always used to think I couldn’t love him before I forgave him; but I have learned that in order to forgive him, I needed to love him. I won’t say I don’t have flickers of anger towards him at times, but I know more today than I did yesterday, and I trust that this process will continue.
God is slowly reconciling me to my father, which in effect will allow me to bring them both honor. I will be able to honor my father in loving him, and God will be brought honor in that I will be slightly more aligned with His vision for my family. Basically, God has been slowly converging my relationship with my dad to the relationship He and I should’ve had from the beginning. Ultimately, God seems to be slowly guiding our characters toward bringing His world back to Him.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the type of stuff people talk about over turkey. It’s not that people aren’t thankful for these processes, which take place in their spirits; some people just aren’t even looking for them. I always catch myself gauging the goodness of something in my life based on my preference. I’m not thankful for the stuff I don’t like, or the projects that don’t seem finished, but I am eternally grateful for health and wealth.
Miracles aren’t easy. They are a process that God takes His time in orchestrating to completion. Though thanksgiving (and more notably, black Friday) has passed, there still needs to be some open dialogue between God and us. Not so much to see the things He is grinding out in lives, but that we trust His involvement regardless of the outcome and how it measures up to what we desire.
God is at work, and He takes his time.
I wish I could be more thankful of that than the weather.
December 9th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
That’s awesome. My relationship with my dad is strained for really stupid reasons (some of them my fault) and I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells when I’m around him. My relationship with the rest of my family has also improved; learning about what honor is to God has done wonders.
December 10th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Last Sunday after church, I was speaking with a few of my friends and mentioned that I would be transferring to a different school, one closer to home. One of my friends jokingly said to me, “Behave yourself and don’t party too hard, now.”
In reply, I told him that partying like that probably wouldn’t happen because I would ruin my dad’s reputation.
The next words that came out of my friend’s mouth shocked me. He told me, “You should worry more about your heavenly father’s reputation, he is everywhere after all.”
His statement caused me to think more about my relationship with God. For pretty much my entire life, I had been doing the right thing but had established no credibility, no witness. I was raised in a Christian home, and had used my parents’ Christianity as a crutch. When my friends in high school asked me to do something I knew was wrong, rather than tell them about my faith, I used the lame excuse “my parents won’t let me.” This worked well until I got to college. I began to create new excuses to do the right thing such as, “not during soccer season,” or “I’m too tired right now.”
I realize now that maybe I have been ashamed to be a child of God. Not ashamed because of what people might think of me because of God, but ashamed because of what people might think of God because of me. I am far from perfect, and I thank God for forgiveness, and the redeeming blood of Christ.
Now, as I face this ongoing challenge to defend God’s perfect truth as an imperfect man, I want to ask you to pray for me.
December 10th, 2009 at 1:17 am
I agree wholeheartedly with your article in that we should be just as thankful for the painful growth in our lives as we are for the weather. We all know that it’s not easy to address the strained relations and painful experiences in our lives, but no-one, not even God, expects us to be perfect, do everything flawless and know the answers straight away. Thank you Ben, this article really hit the spot.
December 10th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Great thoughts on the complex timetable of God and seeing miracles happen over years and not just minutes, like we always assume they must be.