Prodigal Magazine

There is a pastor on the West Coast who tells the tale of taking his wife clothes shopping.  As the story goes, upon looking in their closet one day he came to the realization that all of his wife’s outfits were older than their five children and stylistically challenged.  Knowing that his wife would buy practical things for the home and special gifts for her children instead of purchasing anything new for herself, the man took it upon himself to set the stage for a material makeover.  He decided his plan of attack would be taking his wife to dinner and then, after setting himself up on a chair in a clothing store fitting room, demanding that his lovely bride find all new clothes and spend lots and lots of money on herself buying them.

Now at this point all the girls reading this are saying, “Wow, where do I find such a prince?”  and all the guys are wondering, “What the heck is this dude doing?  Do you know how many chicken wings he could have eaten with that cash!”  Most people are probably in one of those two groups.  But there is also a third group.  This is the Don’t-Spend-God’s-Resources-on-Clothes group.  Be honest, because I know you’re out there.  And what is ringing in your heads are the words of the Apostle Paul to his young apprentice Timothy. 

“…women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.“ 

The Feminine Quest for Beauty

Author John Eldredge argues that every little girl is seeking an answer to the same question, “Am I lovely?”  I believe he is right.  I believe he is right because I hear my four year old daughter asking me this question all day long. 

While I’m reading a book she runs up and interrupts me just to show me the princess dress she is proudly wearing.  Before we leave for church she makes it a point to show me the pigtails her mommy put in her hair.  Without words she asks me if she is lovely when she snuggles up to me for a movie.  She asks me when we paint her toe nails together and as she sits cross legged on the floor in her room changing  Barbie’s outfit repeatedly and each time inquiring, “Isn’t her outfit beautiful daddy?”

So, if every girl wants to feel loved and accepted, celebrated and cherished, is Paul condemning this seemingly instinctual feminine quest for beauty?  I don’t think so.

Should Women Dress Up?

The feminine quest for beauty connects nicely with the hope in every man for, in the verbiage of Eldredge, “an adventure to go on and a beauty to rescue.”  There is something in the heart of a man that desires to have a special women that he can call his own.  It is hardwired into him, since the first time in the garden of Eden when Adam met Eve, and men for generations since have been looking for their very own “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh” moment.

For many men the way their wife looks is a major part of what keeps the husband engaged in the relationship after the adventure of rescuing her is over.  In his book His Needs, Her Needs Dr. William F.Harvey discusses this.  Dr. Harvey argues that many marriage relationships which erode and fall apart over time do so because husbands and wives fail to identify and meet the needs of their spouse.  Sadly, once the chase and the bliss of immature, cupid-esque love goes away, so does the effort of individuals to woo and impress their loved ones.  Throw in a child or two and it is easy for wives to begin trading in their high heels and make-up for baseball hats and sweat suits, while at the same time their husbands stop pursuing them and start pursuing fantasy football fame instead.

What then do we make of the instruction from Paul to Timothy when he wrote that women should dress “ot with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.”  Was Paul advocating that women completely abstain from wearing nice clothes, doing their hair and wearing jewelry?  Man, I hope not.  I deeply enjoy seeing my wife wearing a pretty dress and heels, complimented by some eye shadow and fancy jewelry. 

The key, I believe, is the context.  The feminine quest for beauty is to find its completion in marriage.  Ultimately a women is wired to look lovely for her husband and to receive the love and security that she craves from him alone.  In turn, he is to continue lavishing all his affection upon her.

The primary concern that Paul is addressing is not whether a Christian woman should dress up, but rather, what does the dress up of a Christian woman communicate to others when she is out in public or in church.  Keeping in mind the surrounding context of the verse, we see that Paul was writing to Timothy on the issue of modesty because the failure of some women to do this in Timothy’s church was distracting others from worshiping Jesus.  In his book, Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World, Pastor C.J. Mahaney writes,

When the women of the church arrived dressed like this, it’s no surprise that they distracted others from worshiping God. What’s more, through their ostentatious dress they associated themselves with the wealthy (thus separating themselves from the poor) and the ungodly (thus distancing themselves from their fellow church members). Their dress was distracting, and maybe even divisive.

That’s why Paul urges them to dress in “respectable apparel” and “not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.” He wants the Savior, not seductive style, to be the focus of the church gathering—and indeed, the focus of all of life.

So the real issue wasn’t actually braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly attire. The issue was—and is—clothing that associates with worldly and not godly values: clothes that say “look at me” and “I’m with the world.”

Like almost everything else, the words of Scripture strike a nerve much deeper than the surface of our lives.  Paul’s words to Timothy are no different.  Mahaney sufficiently summarizes the above point by writing that the real issue in this passage is “the heart and not the hemline.”  The real issue is not whether women should wear jewelry, instead it is an issue of why she is wearing that jewelry and how will it affect those around her. 

But how does a godly woman who is seeking to live in a righteous way know what is and what isn’t acceptable?  Pastor John MacArthur offers some advice,

How does a woman discern the sometimes fine line between proper dress and dressing to be the center of attention? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood?…. Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshiping God? Or is it to call attention to herself, and flaunt her…beauty?  Or worse, to attempt to allure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance. 

It is All About the Heart

In a recent sermon series on the OT book Song of Solomon Pastor Mark Driscoll, drawing on the Genesis account of the woman’s creation, repeatedly emphasized the idea that a man, or woman, is to make their spouse their standard of beauty.  Proverbs teaches that a wife is a gift from the Lord.  Therefore, the husband should be laser focused on enjoying  and delighting in his wife alone.  She is to be the apple of his eye and he is to love her with all his heart, as Christ loved the church. 

Then, in turn, the wife is to respond by loving and serving her husband, and doing all that she can to be physically and visually pleasing to him.  This is not a sexist mindset that objectifies women.  It is, rather, a liberating idea that sets women free from having to worry about what the world think of them, and instead, narrows their focus in having only to be concerned with the opinion of one person…her husband, the one who has promised to love her until death and who God has ordained for her to become one flesh with.

So men, take your wives shopping.  And women, pick out something he thinks you look sexy in.  And wear it proudly to please him.  But please, if it is from Victoria’s Secret, leave it at home on Sunday morning.  The rest of us guys, you know, all the ones not married to you, don’t need the distraction.