Prodigal Magazine

So, no kiddin’ there I was, knee deep in Barbie clothes and Care Bears, when I checked my Facebook account. Low and behold what did I see, but an ad banner at the top flashing the message, “Hot Christian Singles Are Looking To Find You.” 

Hmmm, I gotta see this, I think to myself. This is not because I’m a bored, lonely “housewife” but because growing up in the church “Hot” Christian Singles – especially of the female species – were something akin to a Sasquatch sighting. People claimed to have seen one, but it was rare and largely unconfirmed. Of course, Sasquatch probably is a poor choice of comparison given the similarities it also shared with the actual Christian singles I knew.

“Hey, Ron did you go to the Sunday night service?” A friend would ask.

 ”Uh, no. My dad wanted to watch Chips, but it was just a rerun. Why?”

 ”Ah Crap!” they would reply with less-than subtle disappointment. “Raymond said there was this totally hot chick sitting in the third row last Sunday night.”

“Ya, right. Raymond thinks Liza Minelli’s hot.” Further undermining Raymond’s credibility was his exclusive use of sweatpants in his daily wardrobe and the excessive amount of time he spent in front of something called a computer. “Besides, if there really was a hot chick at church she was probably either someone’s relative visiting to be nice, or she’s Catholic.”

At that age and with my level of spirituality, I was convinced of two basic premises when it came to Catholics. They weren’t really true Christians, and all girls of that faith between the ages of 14 & 21 were smoking hot babes outfitted in sexy plaid school uniforms which they wore constantly except when showering. I’ve since recanted on both beliefs.

 Now, in the event you are reading with a certain indignation over the fact that your Christian wife is totally hot, then allow me to apologize along with offering my congratulations. My wife is one smoldering Christian babe too, and, like you, we met under totally normal circumstances. (okay, so it was me spending a ridiculous amount of time in front of something internet dating). It’s not my intent to insult anyone.

 My premise, however, is not that sexiness and faith are mutually exclusive. Heaven forbid (No, really. Heaven forbid). The day a supermodel turns her life over to Jesus, God does not in turn beat her with an ugly stick to the point she could scare buzzards off a meat wagon. Rather, the idea of fronting single Christians with such sensual undertones seems to me, well, a bit ironic given the command to avoid fornicating (ancient word for ‘getting busy), and save yourself for marriage.

 What’s next? Adult Faith Finder - the only Internet dating site where Christians can find a long-term relationship, a “faith-buddy” or just a one-night fast.

Ron Mattocks is a freelance writer who contributes to various publications and blog sites. Raised in the church in western Pennsylvania, he later went on to be a military officer and business executive before writing. He lives in Houston, Texas with his wife and five kids and maintains the blog Clark Kent’s Lunchbox talking about parenting, faith and life from a man’s perspective. He can be reached at rmattocks@yahoo.com